No! It seems I have been duped. Can this be? Does this mean I have been an unwitting participant in some weird case of bigamy? Jonathan Downes does not exist?! I am really married unlawfully to someone called Mimsy Barrowclough who already has a wife and children?! I am a pawn in some crazy underworld organisation and plead my innocence of any crimes against the state.
Please, please oh powers that be - let his esteemed replacement NOT be any of those mentioned - I can suggest a few more sensible ones if I may be so bold: Viggo Mortensen, Karl Urban, Hugh Jackman, Warlord Nygard ........ any of these would make up for the most indefensible trick that has been played upon me.
Eeeee I feel like a right April Fool.