Sunday 31 May 2009

Bundles of joy

It would seem that a lady from Suffolk has become the proud mother of a little 5lb 3oz boy, both of whom are said to be doing “extremely well” in hospital. No great news there – it is a bit like hearing in the news that some actress has become a mother. So what? It happens everyday to someone and there is nothing particularly new and marvellous about it – apart of course to the family concerned.

However, this lady is 66 years old and had IVF treatment in the Ukraine because she would not be considered for it over here because she was over 50. Apparently her pregnancy was made possible due to the advance in modern scientific techniques....hmmm another case of Mother Nature being usurped by those wonderful modern scientific techniques eh? What is wrong with the human race? Has it gone completely mad?

Although I am not saying that she will not be a doting mother, one does have to wonder what sort of life this little bundle of joy will have as she has already announced that she will probably be going back to work once her maternity leave is over and that she will be hiring a nanny. Firstly, why has she had a child at 66 and secondly why has she had a child if she is going to hand him over to a nanny? When her son is 18 she will be 84 and when he is 21 she will be 87. I may be old fashioned, and I know some can be spritely way into their 80s, but children can be a drain physically when young. Is she going to drive him backwards and forwards to his friends’ houses? Is she going to attend Sunday morning football matches in the pouring rain? What about trips to the park to run around and play chase? Is she going to line up outside primary school with the others mothers on freezing cold winter days? Is she going to attend school sports’ days in the blistering heat? And what about those secondary school parents’ evenings which can go on for two hours or more, probably coinciding with the time when she will normally be having her cocoa and going to bed? Or are these going to be the job for the nanny? Is it the nanny who will have to stay up all night when he gets an ear infection or, in later years, when he goes to his mate’s 18th birthday party will it be the hired help who will fret about his safety?

I have nothing at all against any woman having the desire and basic right to have children, but to me bringing one into the world at the age of 66 is just irresponsible and selfish.

Thursday 14 May 2009

A lot less bovver than a hover

It seems that the latest way of getting out of having to mow the lawn on a Sunday afternoon is to buy a couple of wallabies. It appears that those purchasing them see them as cuter, more friendly and more exotic as, say, sheep and according to The Times, private orders for the marsupials have jumped (is that an intentional pun I wonder) in recent years.

However, at a cost of £150 for a male and a female at around £650, it is, perhaps, the more well-off that can afford such grass cutters, not forgetting the additional cost of food and bedding. And, of course, the fact that you need at least 5ft fencing around your property to foil any leap to escape and around half an acre of land for them to roam around in.

What if you have a swimming pool? Well apparently, strangely enough, although on land wallabies can only move their hind feet together, when swimming they can kick each leg independently. And I suppose there would be no problem with the possibility of electrical accidents occurring with the no-so-good mix of water and electrons and protons.

However, you may have those few extra £s in your pocket to be able to afford the fencing, half acre of land and a swimming pool, but still prefer to mow your lawn in the traditional way. If this were the case, and you had hedging around your garden , I expect you would never expect to come across a cow in your swimming pool though. This was the case for a couple in Buckinghamshire recently. After hearing a commotion they went outside to discover that the ruminant had broken through their hedge, torn through their swimming pool cover and was taking a dip.

She panicked and tried to jump out, but ended up half in and half out, promptly falling asleep from her exertions and had to be rescued by the RSPCA. Happily, she was none the worse for wear after her watery adventure. I hope the water wasn’t friesian cold.